stanleybarbur:

my favorite male characters: stanley uris

Reflecting on the meaning of what I just read, the word “Leshanot” comes up a lot, which means “to change, to transform.” Which makes sense, I guess, because today I’m supposed to become a man. It’s funny though. Everyone, I think, has some memories they’re prouder of than others, right? And maybe that’s why change is so scary. ‘Cause the things we wish we could leave behind…the whispers we wish we could silence…the nightmares we most want to wake up from, the memories we wish we could change…the secrets we feel like we have to keep are the hardest to walk away from. The good stuff? The pictures in our mind that fade away the fastest? Those pieces of you it feels the easiest to lose. Maybe I don’t want to forget. Maybe if that’s what today is all about, forget it, right? Today, I’m supposed to become a man, but I don’t feel any different. I know I’m a loser. And no matter what, I always fucking will be.