novantinuum:

Y’know, upon rewatching the Steven Universe movie post SUF…

The lyrics of the song The Tale of Steven have some concerning implications when you consider the place Steven ends up emotionally and mentally after all this.

Everyone believes in Steven
All across the universe
Ever compassionate
Can you imagine it?
Even with us at our worst

[…]

What a revelation
He’s a revolution
A Gem that loves and grows

[…]

Always putting others first
Can you imagine it?
Ever compassionate
Steven Universe

The Diamonds- understandably so, as from their perspective he bound into their lives and had mercy on them and patiently showed them a different way even after all the harm they’d caused him- have placed Steven on a monumental pedestal. 

I mean, they’re outright singing a song about how amazing and loving and compassionate and selfless he is on galactic TV. Likely right in front of his face. Given that every other song in this movie was sung within the actual story, Steven’s probably just standing below Pink’s throne ready to be presented to Homeworld going :E as the Gem who almost murdered him a few months back warbles on about how great he is.

And given that Steven is very prone to internalizing things and rarely speaking up about his insecurities if he can help it, he internalizes this message. The idea that “Steven Universe,” the sensationalized hero that the whole liberated galaxy believes in, is all-loving and all-compassionate and all-giving and always growing and becoming a better person, every day of his life.

And yes, a lot of the time Steven lives up to these descriptors. He’s a genuinely kind soul who genuinely wants to help others where he can. But once he’s internalized this idea… this insidious little idea that his worth as a person is dependent on doing good deeds, that it’s what everybody expects from him… it begins to fester like a poison inside him. Looking through the original show, this tendency to measure his worth on what he can offer to others has always been in place, (see: Laser Light Canon… “You can’t just be useless! I know you can help!”), but I think he begins to fully slip into this bad mental space as a direct result of the pressure of being seen as an all-perfect hero by pretty much the whole galaxy.

As exemplified by the Diamonds’ song.

See this?

This right here is the face of a young man with a whole lot of baggage who absolutely doesn’t always feel like being compassionate to the insufferable Gem matriarchs who are the sole cause of pretty much every trauma he’s ever endured. Never mind the fact that he feels this is what everyone in his life expects from him, what everyone in the galaxy thinks of when they hear the name Steven Universe.

So he bottles his frustrations and anger and hurt up. Locks it all deep, deep away. Puts on a mask of angelic patience and perfect selflessness. Tries with every last scrap of energy he can muster to live up to his own legend.

And in the end, it’s this mindset that leads to his corruption.

“How messed up is that? That I’ve gotten away with this for so long. You have no idea how bad I am! You think I’m so great, and I’m so mature, and I always know what to do, but that’s not true! I haven’t learned a thing from my problems! They’ve all just made me worse! You think of me as some angel, but I’m not that kid anymore!” 

[long pause] 

“I’m a fraud…”

Steven genuinely believes that his sole purpose in life is to help people. So much so that when old traumas begin to rear their ugly head… when his attempts at help begin to hinder instead of fix… when his powers start to become destructive in response to that trauma… when he makes the serious mistake of causing physical harm to another person… to him, he’s failed at being himself. He’s a fraud. Steven is no longer the Steven Universe the rest of the galaxy knows and loves. 

He may seek to be “ever-compassionate,” but tragically this rule is never applied to himself. Instead, in his eyes- if he makes a mistake- he’s irredeemable, and thus nothing more than a monster.

And it’s all due to this hero’s pedestal he’s been placed on.